Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I'm Gonna Dress You Up In My Love or What Was I Thinking? Oh Yah... SEX

My husband and I are not ones to make a big deal about Valentine's Day, because our anniversary is a month away. Actually tis my husband. It took me 4 years and a threat to buy my own flowers. The next day I got 2 roses from the gas station; one from D and one from him. In his defense his family doesn't make a big deal about "secondary holidays" or birthdays for that matter. Combine that with someone who counts down till the next reason to celebrate, you are bound to not have your expectations met. It takes some learning and communication and some time. I think we have now struck the right balance. Anyway... back to my story.

My first idea to mark the occasion was to send my husband down a iced over water fall while laying on a small sled (aka the luge, the ultimate in tobogganing). Truly, I thought he would like it. Unfortunately the timing was horrible so that idea fell through. It fell through the night before go figure. So what was I going to do to celebrate this day of lovers? Sex should make up for it and its cheap or so I thought.

I went to my drawer and found my sad collection of lingerie. I decided that just wouldn't do so I showered, shaved, makeuped, self tanned, did my hair and packed up my four year old son and took him to the mall to find something that would be appropriate.

I went from store to store looking at things I could add to a "shag bag" and possible "out fits". I stayed away from the adult stores because I am a bit of a prude (which makes me wonder why I am typing this). I found out it had been a while since I had shopped for lingerie and my body is just not the same as it was when we were first married and no amount of self tanner is ever going to make it better.

Last year I was bra fitted and found out I'm a 34 long which means I'm in the land of limbo. Average stores do not carry the cup size required when I bundle my load and plus store don't carry my band size. I need a specialty store and by specialty store I mean expensive. Its at least $100 dollars more for an extra 2 - 3 inches of fabric. This fabric was weave by the fairies themselves at least that is what I tell myself to justify spending $125 on one bra. That is why I thought if I go to an average store and buy extra large for something that isn't going to stay on long, I'll get it for cheap.

Strike two. I won't scare you with the details, but I will tell you there is a sales lady that gets too personal and my 4 year old son is going to need therapy because I read somewhere that cognitive memories begin at age 3. At least he thought they were swimming suits but when he realizes what was happening I'm going to be blamed for him going to jail and living life in the fast lane. Then I'm going to need therapy. All I can say is what was I thinking? I walked out of the store without a purchase and we had a candlelight dinner with the boys and early bed because my husband has to get up at 4:00am to get to work by 5:00am. I wish I had remembered that I would have focused on making a great dessert like sex in a pan at least the pan would have been happy. Despite all of this I did have a good Valentine's Day. I think I'll just not worry so much about it and put more effort into our anniversary.


fourth_fret said...

oh, this made me laugh so much.

especially "sex in a pan".

(and you know, my very first memory is of my 3rd birthday party, so those books you've been reading might be right. i'd get a lawyer. you know... for the potential mayhem. ;))

Anonymous said...

I had a really good chuckle too. BTS cake (better than sex cake) is a favorite, we abbreviate it for the kiddies' sake. :)

About the bras, my mom had a similar problem in the opposite sense and would cut off the connecting ends of old bras and use them as extenders. I wonder how hard it would be to adjust the band yourself? If you were to by the cup size you need and then hack off a piece of the band and resew the connectors? Don't know if it would work, but I'm just thinking it would sure beat $125 worth of bra! (ridiculous the racket they get going isn't it?) Of course it might not end up being the sexiest of bras, but just don't let him see your back. Heh :)

Proud Mum said...

Is it wrong to be laughing?

For Valentine's Day Little Red took an extra hour in going to bed. Maybe he knew what we had planned! ;0

Anonymous said...

I think kids just have a sense about these things . . . heh :)